


Do You Still Love Me? |D.M|

by mggislowkeyhot



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Cheating, Choking, Degradation, Depression, Drug Abuse, F/F, F/M, Gen, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Kidnapping, Parental Abuse, Possessive Sex, Sexual Content, mggislowkeyhot, the next few tags are the warnings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:22:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29864265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislowkeyhot/pseuds/mggislowkeyhot
Summary: Drugs... Lies... Secrets... And Sex.The Perfect Equation for Disaster.What the fuck are you hiding Y/n?Also, why the fuck did you trust him?Season 3-4 AU
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Reader, Spencer Reid/Reader
Kudos: 6





	1. Disclaimer

Hello! Just a quick warning, my writing sucks. No, it really sucks. 

But here is just a nice little disclaimer before we go on!

_** The "Cast" ** _

_Shemar Moore starting as Derek Morgan_

_Matthew Gray Gubler as Spencer Reid_

_Kirsten Vangsness as Penelope Garcia  
_

_Joe Mantegna as David "Dave" Rossi_

_Thomas Gibson as Aaron Hotchner_

_Paget Brewster as Emily Prentiss_ _  
_

_A.J Cook as Jennifer "JJ" Jareau_

_Diego Boneta as James Diaz_

_Jamie Chung as Daniela "Danny" Choi_

_Archie Panjabi as Christina Middleton  
_

_Gina Rodriguez as Catarina Paredes  
_

_Zendaya as Arianna Anderson  
_

_Joey King as Rose Henry_

_Grey Damon as Micheal Scott._

_Elle Fanning as Megan Smith_

_Kiernan Shipka as Daisy Miller  
_

_Isabela Moner as Joanna McCarter  
_

_Sierra Aylina McClain as Sabrina Chains  
_

_Whoever you want as Sherrif Feilds/Y/n's dad_

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~** _

I have a very diverse cast ;) 

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~** _ _**  
**_

**_The first MAJOR warning_ **

_This book talks about drug usage and addiction. This is the general theme. I am not trying to romanticize drug addiction in any way or make it a less serious topic than what it is. Drug abuse is something that is not talked about, and it should be. People who go through addiction should know that they are not a burden to their past and what could be their present and they are only going through a war that they will survive. Personally, I have seen the way that drugs affect a person and the ones that surround them, but I am still an outsider looking in. I try to be real about the topic and spread the main message that your past doesn't make your future._

**_Say it with me._ **

My past does not make my future. 

**_Again, I am only an outsider, but by actually doing research, I hope that I am as real as possible to this topic and by listing these hotlines below, understand that it is ok to reach out for help. Help is something that no one is limited to, and my DM'S are a safe space if you need to vent or talk it out. I just want to make this clear._ **

**_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ **

**_Hotlines:_ **

**SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357**

**_If you are hard of hearing or deaf, call this one instead:_ 1-800-487-4889**

**Drug Alcohol Addiction Hotline: (855) 957-1221**

**National Drug Helpline: 1-844-289-0879**

**National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255**

_**If you are hard of hearing or deaf, call this one instead:** **800-799-4889** _

**_Esto es si hablas español:_ 1-888-628-9454** _**  
**_

_The last one is for everyone. Anyone could need it, even if you don't suffer from substance abuse. I love you :)_

**_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ **

**_The second MAJOR warning:_ **

_This book contains sexual assault. Not rape. Sexual assault. This is more like when JJ was kidnapped and what she went through. Rape is not a theme I support no matter the story or awareness it brings. Please understand this because it becomes a topic for a few chapters in the middle._

_Again, I am not trying to romantic this or make it any less serious than what it is. It is brief and not super detailed like other things but it is still a topic that is mention and I did not want to just brush it past you._

**_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ **

**_Hotlines:_ **

**National Sexual Assault Hotline and website: 800.656.4673**

[ _https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline_ ](https://www.safehorizon.org/get-help/rape-and-sexual-assault/#signs-of-abuse/) **_  
_**

**Safe Horizon Hotline and Website: 212.277.3000**

[ _https://www.safehorizon.org/get-help/rape-and-sexual-assault/#signs-of-abuse/_ ](https://www.safehorizon.org/get-help/rape-and-sexual-assault/#signs-of-abuse/)

**Department of Defense (DOD) Hotline and Website: 1 (877) 995 – 5247**

[ _https://safehelpline.org/_ ](https://safehelpline.org/)

**National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255**

_If you are hard of hearing or deaf, call this one instead: 800-799-4889_

**_Esto es si hablas español:_ 1-888-628-9454**

You are **NOT** alone. It is **NOT** your fault. You **DESERVE** justice and help. Please do not be afraid to call. You survived something no one should have to go through. Let someone help. My DM'S are a safe place if you ever need to vent. Never be afraid to pop in. 

**_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ ** **_  
_**

**_Other General Warnings and Themes:_ **

_Homophobia_

_Depression_

_Cheating_ _  
_

_Sexual Content_

_Kidnapping_

_Parental Abuse_

**_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ ** _  
_

**Sexual Warnings and Themes that may trigger you:** _this is not to attract you but to warn you_

 _Choking (consensual)_ _  
_

_Possessive_ _sexual intercourse_

_Being degraded_

**_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ **

**_This book does have a daddy kink it. Just do me a favor and keep your comments to yourself if you don't like Daddy kinks. I made it very clear which 'daddy' reader is inferring to so there should be no mix-up. And plus-Derek Morgan has a daddy kink, you cant tell me otherwise._ **

**If you are reading this for a second time, I rewrote chapters 1-9 and made them better with a lot more context.**

**Also, all the pictures and gifs I use are not mine, I find them on the web.**

**And all my writing has profanity in it, that's your warning.**

**Please understand I wrote warnings and provided hotlines, I will still list the warnings before every chapter, but if the things ontop trigger you and you continue to read, I no longer am accountable for that.**

**_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ **

**_mggislowkeyhot®_ **

**_As of right now, this is ONLY on A03. If you guys like it, I will publish it on other platforms, but for now, A03 sees it first._ **


	2. Playlist

There is a playlist on Spotify for this fic!

_And for the ones that don't have Spotify, here are the songs and their artists:_

Feeling Whitney~Post Malone

You Are a Memory~Message to Bears

Medicine~Daughter

Touch~ Sleeping at Last

What Would I Do Without You~ Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors

Where's My Love (Acoustic)~SYML

The Wisp Sings~ Winter Aid

In This Shirt- The Irrepressible

You're Somebody Else (Acoustic)~ Flora Cash

IDK You Yet~Alexander 23

Happiest Year~ Jaymes Young

To Build A Home~ The Cinematic Orchestra 

you were good to me~ Jeremy Zucker, Chelsea Cutler

White Blood~ Oh Wonder

Let Me Go~NF

I Found~ Amber Run

A Soulmate Who Wasn't Meant to Be~Jess Benko

Can You Feel My Heart~ Bring Me The Horizon 

I Can't Handle Change~Roar

The Night We Met~Lord Huron

Are You With Me~nilu

Roslyn~ Bon Iver, St. Vincent

White Ferrari~ Frank Ocean

There is no specific song for a chapter, they all surround the fic itself.


	3. Prologue

**"Here We Go Again"**

"And that's my cue to go to sleep," Y/n said at the "Are you still watching," plastered on the TV.

"One more episode?" Derek suggested.

Hesitating at first, Y/n gave in. One episode turned into four and four turned into ten. By 1 AM, both Derek and Y/n were asleep in each other arms as **YOU** played on their TV. Derek opened his eyes to his girlfriend sleeping peacefully on his shoulder, turning off the tv before sliding her off to her own pillow, drifting back to sleep minutes later.

Their sleep was killed shortly by Y/n's phone ringing at 3 AM, Hotch calling them both to say there was an urgent case and they needed to come straight to the jet. Groaning, Y/n headed to the bathroom to start the shower while Derek checked the go bags and brought them to the door. Y/n slipped off Derek's polo as he walked in the bathroom, eyes admiring what was his. He hopped in the shower with her and quickly washed up. There was no time for fooling around, even with the desire to pin Y/n to the wall and make her scream his name, loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

As Derek brushed his teeth, Y/n matched a black blazer with a white tank top, leaving some cleavage for the eye. Her hair was in a small tight bun as she slipped her heels on and applied some natural tones to her before slipping past Derek on her way to the bathroom. He came behind her as she fixed the bun, somewhat matching in black jeans and a white shirt.

"We look good," She said, looking in the mirror above the sink.

"We look good," Derek repeated, kissing down her jawline and up to her lips. They stayed like that for a bit, until Y/n pulled away with an eyebrow raised.

"Work," She stated, turning on her heels and out their bedroom door.

Quickly making their coffee's, Y/n and Derek grabbed their go bags and headed down the stairs of their apartment building, Derek driving all the way to the airport. Quickly passing TSA, Y/n and Derek entered the jet, only to be shocked at Penelope's appearance.

Penelope wasn't one to come on the jet, finding comfort in her lair. This could only mean one thing.

**This case was worse than they presumed.**

**_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ **

**_mggislowkeyhot®_ **


	4. 1.

**"Look Where You Are and Look Where I Am"**

_Italic writing stands for flashbacks._

"It's great that we are all here," Hotch said, giving the pilot the ok to take off from the window.

Before Y/n can ask, or even talk to Penelope, she got up and sat next to Hotch. Taking the seat across from Penelope's old one, Y/n opened her phone and started answering emails. The jet took off and Y/n put her phone on airplane mode, silencing it as well.

"Let's start shall we?" Hotch announced gaining everyone's attention. "This is one is bad. Across 3 hotels in Allen, four women have been found dead, one gunshot to the head and one to the heart." He says as Penny pulls up pictures on her laptop and gives everyone a file.

Opening her's, Y/n's eyes grow wide at the pictures. The first picture taunts her as she flips through the rest of them. She goes back to the front and stares at the picture. Laid out in front of her is victim number one, Christina Middleton. She's turned over, her face only slightly visible to the camera but the DMV photo on Penelope's laptop clarified it for Y/n. Blood leaked onto the floor, from the second gunshot to the heart. Above the bed, the unsub wrote 1/10. In fact, he did that on all the pictures.

The second victim, Catarina Paredes, was also in her bed, this time laid in the opposite direction of the way she was shot. Neither woman saw it coming. Victims 3 and 4 were together. Rose Henry and Sabrina Chains sat at a small table, blood puddled under both of them. They were drinking, a bottle of white wine was open and turned over, the wine on the floor right between both blood puddles.

This unsub was clean, but he was also someone these women knew. He showed remorse. He couldn't have the women face him while he killed them. Y/n saw enough of these to tell. No bullet shells were left and he used blood to write on the walls.

This unsub was on a mission, and from the looks of it, he was getting closer and closer to finishing.

"Y/N?" Emily called out, snapping Y/n out of her trance.

Looking up, Y/n saw everyone looking at her confused. Shaking it off, Y/n jumped right back into the conversation of the connection to how these women were related.

"You ok?" Derek whispered in Y/n's ear.

She nodded, giving him a small smile. Her face falling blank at Rossi's question.

"Isn't Allen your stomping grounds, Y/L/N?" He asked pointing at the file in her hand.

Looking away from the team, Y/N just shrugged her shoulders. "Yea, but I haven't been home in 5 years, so what do I really know about Allen," she tried to play it off.

"Did you know any of these people?" Spencer asked, not so subtly profiling her.

"Not really, victim number 2 won prom queen back when I was in high school, trust me, with the dress she was wearing, you never forget her face."

Y/n wasn't lying, Catarina's dress was to die for. She would know because she helped her pick it.

_"Kitty! This one, look! You would look stunning, you're sure to win with this!"_

And she did. She won and wore her crown high.

"Hmm," Spencer amused, eyes going to Y/n's leg. She was nervous. Her leg bounced high, right below the table and she looked to the floor.

Whatever she was hiding, Spencer wanted to know.

"So you two weren't friends?" He pressed.

Y/n only shrugged her shoulders in response. Were they friends? I mean friends don't leave when shit gets hard. Friends don't lie. Friends don't build you up only to tear you down. Friends are not supposed to fucking hurt you.

They were not friends.

"No." She mumbled, wincing at the skin she just accidentally ripped from biting her nail.

Spencer kept quiet as Hotch assigned locations. Derek and Spencer were going to the first hotel, JJ and Emily were going to the second, leaving David and Aaron to third while Y/n and Penelope got a head start at the station.

Spreading out around the jet, Y/N took a seat in the back, away from everyone before opening her phone and going to messages.

Reluctantly, she pressed the one from nearly 10 ten days ago.

 ** _James_**  
Aug.12th,2008 at 10:17 Pm

**Look, I know the last time I seen you... it didn't go well but call me.**

**We have to talk.**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**  
 **_mggislowkeyhot_ ** **®**


	5. 2.

**"Long Time No See, Dad."**

**Warnings: Drug Abuse and Rehabilitation** **talk**

**Cheat Sheet: Y/F/N= Your father's name**

_Italic writing stands for flashbacks._

__

It would make no sense to call James, Y/n was already on her way there, plus, James didn't deserve to hear her voice. He didn't deserve to see her. He didn't deserve anything from Y/n.

Especially not her dignity to call him. 

She closed her messages and went to her music, pulling out her headphones before turning the volume all the way up.

It was calming, the base of the headphones soothed Y/n down until she was interrupted by a bud being pulled out.

"Hey you," Derek welcomed with a smile as he took a seat next to her.

"Hey," She mumbled back, turning her attention to the window.

At first, Derek didn't say anything back. He just listened to the music with Y/n and watched her body tense down. He moved a little closer to her, putting his hand on her lap.

"You were friends with Caterina, weren't you?" He whispered so only she'd hear it.

Derek knew when it was time to be a co-worker and when it was time to be a boyfriend. And it definitely wasn't time to work.

_"I love you B, you know that?" Caterina asked out of the blue._

_Y/n sat up and brushed_ _Caterina's hair out of her face._

_"I love you too Kitty," She smiled._

_"And I'll always be here for you," Caterina continued._

_"Because that's what best friends are for," Y/n finished._

_"That's what best friends are for," Caterina repeated._

Y/n wiped the tears that lined her eyes before turning to Derek.

"I wasn't friends with her, I told you, her dress was to die for, so was her makeup," She whispered into Derek's chest.

Caterina's makeup was awesome because of Y/n. Video after video and she made Caterina look like a model. Everything good that happened to Caterina was because of Y/n.

But she still left. Like Christina, and Rose, and Sabrina. They all used Y/n and left.

Y/n was never their friend, she was used and when she broke- when _they_ broke her, they went away. They went away and left Y/n to suffer. 

Derek let the conversation go and threw his arm over Y/n's shoulder, pulling her as close as possible. The rest of the jet ride went by fast, the supposedly 2 hours only feeling like 20 minutes. 

Everyone loaded their go bags to the car before pulling off to their locations. 

Penelope got into the passenger's side of the SUV while Y/n started the car. Not much has changed. The roads are still the same, "Happy's Diner," is still where it was, and the same person was the sheriff. 

Not much has changed at all. 

Y/n wasn't even sure if she wanted to see her dad. She wasn't sure if he wanted to see her. Did he even know she was coming? She kicked him out of her life 5 years ago and hasn't thought about him since. 

Life is funny like that.

_"We can't keep doing this Y/n! Go to fucking rehab!" Y/F/N yelled at Y/n._

_"I am fine!" She yelled back._

_"You are high off your fucking head, you're high! If you don't go willingly Y/n, I will have you admitted," He threatened._

_Y/n walked right up to her father and slapped him._

_"I am 24. I am a fucking adult, you don't get to send me away anymore. And you don't get to pretend that you care. You don't. I know you don't." She growled before walking away._

_Y/n went to rehab a week later. Two months after, she was the newest agent at the BAU._

Life is funny like that. 

The car in front of them honked, making Y/n jump before pressing the peddle. 

"You ok?" Penelope side glanced at her. 

Y/n shook it off and increased her speed all the way to the station. Penelope got out first and greeted the sheriff who was waiting outside. Closing the driver's door, Y/n locked the SUV and slowly walked over to both people, her head and face down to the ground. 

The sheriff reached out his hand hesitantly. Y/n grabbed it and squeezed tight, her cold eyes meetings his. 

**"Hey daddy, I'm home."**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**mggislowkeyhot®**


	6. 3.

**"Old Friends"**

**Warnings: Just a little bit of smut**

_Italic writing stands for flashbacks._

"Y/n-y/n" Y/F/N stuttered over his words.

Y/n let go of her father's hand and stepped back. He looked different, his hair was colored and lighter, his facial hair was cleaner.

He looked better.

"Dad?" Penelope questioned in the tense silence between the two. Her mouth hung open, and she tilted the side, catching the resemblance of both.

"Can you please show us inside, my _sweet, caring_ father?" Y/n taunted.

Y/F/N was silent as he turned around and led the way to a conference room. It was big, the file box laid out on the table. Y/n cleared it and allowed Penelope to set up her stuff while Y/n starting gather evidence for the rest of the team.

Penelope decided not to push anymore and started looking for what connected the victims, so far unsuccessful.

About 10 minutes later, Y/n pinned the last picture to the board and started her own research when the door flew open.

"Really? You fucking knew and didn't bother to call?" A man screamed at her.

Y/n scoffed as she put down her tablet and pen and leaned back in her chair, arms crossing right above her chest.

"Nice to see you too, _James_ ," Y/n spoke, the venom in her voice visible for the man in front of her.

"Chrissy is dead! Cat is dead! And you're mocking me?" He accused.

Y/n got up, slowly, and stood in front of James, their faces so close, Y/n could smell the mint gum coming off his breath.

"One, stop screaming at me. I am not a damn child. Two, I don't know shit. That's not how the FBI works, dumbass." She insulted, growling low in his ear.

Neither of them realized that Derek and Spencer were back already, gaining little evidence from hotel one.

Derek cleared his throat at the sight of his girlfriend chest to chest with another man. They both looked over to him, Y/n's eyes landing on his clenched fist.

She stepped back and took her seat, resuming her work. James watched her carefully, her hand going across her yellow pad with each word she wrote.

"You could have called," He said, loud enough for everyone to hear before closing the door and leaving.

Everyone looked at Y/n, waiting for an explanation. 

"Deputy James, everyone," Y/n rolled her eyes at the closed door. 

"What does he mean, 'you could have called,'" Spencer accusingly asked. 

Y/n only shrugged her shoulders at Spencer's question before making small eye contact with Derek. She quickly broke it, eyes now falling on the brown table. 

Derek sat in front of her, leaning in so only she could truly hear the growl in his voice. 

"Who was that?" 

_James's lips smashed onto Y/n's, his hands slowly caressing her back._

_"We shouldn't James," Y/n pulled away, still in his grasp._

_"We don't have to," James let go and moved back slightly._

_Something in Y/N told her it was right, she needed him at this moment, she wanted him._

_Nearly jumping in his arms, Y/n's fingers ran through James's hair as their lips connected._

_Cupping her ass, James picked up Y/n and walked towards his bedroom. Wrapping her legs around James's waist, Y/n kicked off her shoes and grinded against his covered, hard cock as he closed the door._

"Just an old friend," Y/n replied, opening her tablet and reviewing the crime scenes again. 

The tension in the room grew as everyone stayed silent. Emily and JJ joined shortly after, this time with more information. Even with David and Aaron joining the group, Penelope still failed to find out what connect these victims. 

Even if it was sitting only 2 feet away from her. 

5'oclock hit when the door busted open. Sheriff Feilds and Deputy Diaz busted in with the news of another body. Neither man mentioned who it was and lead the way as everyone, besides Penelope, sped down the blocks of Allen. 

Cutting off all blocks access, Aaron took the lead into the hotel as the team followed him. The change in the energy of the room was noticeable. JJ went down the hallways of the floor, trying to calm everyone who had their heads out. 

Stepping out from behind the rest of the team, Y/n's eyes immediately hit the body on the bed. Tears lined her eyes as she started to step back, bumping into James. He caught her, arms slightly covering her body. 

Y/n quickly moved out of his grasp and closer to the body, careful not to mess up the crime examiner photos or the blood the surrounded the bed. The others looked around the room, hoping to find something that pointed to the unsub. 

When the examiners were done with the body, Y/n grabbed a glove from her pocket and put it on before touching the victim's face. This caught Aarons's attention and he moved closer to her, ready to scold her for her lack of protocol. 

"Victim is Daniela Choi, age 31, C.O.D seems to be the gunshot to the heart this time. No close relatives, her emergency contact has already been informed of victims condition," Y/n spoke first. 

"We didn't contact her EC yet," Emily spoke. 

**"You don't have to, Y/n and I are her contacts."**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**mggislowkeyhot®**


	7. 4.

**"Elevator Talks"**

**Warnings: Drug Abuse Talk, Parental Neglect Talk, more smut flashbacks**

_Italic writing stands for flashbacks._

Everyone turned their heads to James and Y/n menaced him.

"As I said, her _contacts_ are already informed about the victim's condition." She repeated, moving her hand from Daniela's face.

"Outside," Hotch demanded, already walking to the door.

"You can't proceed in this investigation-," He started once they were in the hall but Y/n cut him off.

"Why not?" She asked angrily.

"You _cannot_ proceed in the investigation as an FBI agent," He finished.

"I'm not a local," Y/n caught on.

"Well starting tomorrow, you are, let's finish up and head to the hotel, we are all working on little sleep," Hotch nodded at the team, and James behind them.

Failing to push past James, Y/n almost screamed at his hand around her arm.

"Let me go." She growled.

James loosened his grip but didn't let go, instead, he leaned into Y/n so close he could kiss her in a single motion.

"Happy's Diner at 9. For old times sake." He whispered and let go, turning around while slipping on some clean gloves.

While James went to help out Rossi and Emily, Y/n went and helped out Derek and Aaron.

"Friends with her?" Derek spoke while bagging some evidence.

_"I've never done this before Danny," Y/n stopped and sat back._

_"Let's take it slow ok? Like this," Danny said, kissing down Y/n's jaw._

_Her hands slipped under Y/n's shirt and slowly unhooked her bra, ready to pull her shirt off._

_"Are you sure?" Daniela asked, wanting all of Y/n's consent._

_"Yes."_

_Pulling her shirt over her head, Daniela got on top of Y/n and dragged her fingers up Y/n's body before pushing Y/n down on her bed._

_She kissed down her body until Daniela reached the band of Y/n's skirt. Y/n nodded, and Daniela spread Y/n's legs open more, giving her access to her girlfriend's pussy that was now dripping wet in arousal for her._

"We used to be really close, college and stuff happened," Y/n grabbed the bag from Derek and handed it to the closest medical examiner.

"Sorry," Derek appeared behind her.

"It's ok. Danny lived her life more than most people have, she was happy," Y/n reassuringly shook her head.

_"That was- that was amazing," Y/n breathed out as Danny got off of her._

_Kissing her lips, Danny smiled against Y/n face, their naked bodies in complete contact with each other._

_"Let's get you cleaned up pretty baby." Danny got up from Y/n's bed and headed to her connected bathroom._

As Spencer bagged the last cloth in the bathroom for evidence, everyone steered clear as Daniela was pulled out of the room in a white body bag.

Following behind, Y/n hopped into the elevator with her father and James, all of them silent until James pulled the emergency stop button.

"5 years? 5 years and no call? Are you even sober?" Y/F/N shot at Y/n.

"Don't." Y/n mumbled, her voice so low, it was inaudible.

"Your high aren't you?" He accused, pointing his finger in Y/n's face.

Y/n slapped it away, anger now boiling in her blood and tears nearly falling down her face.

"I'm clean now daddy! Look at me! I'm sober and happy! Stop it! Stop fucking accusing me of being high because I do something that you don't agree on," She cried.

_"Why are you such a disappointment Y/n?" Y/F/N screamed._

_"I'm trying!" Y/n defended._

_"Try harder, get off your ass and do something, your nearly fucking 18, you have college soon. Do something with your life."_

_Y/F/N walked to the front door and was nearly out of it before he looked at his daughter._

_"Just don't be a whore like your mother." He insulted before going off to work._

_Throwing the nearest vase, Y/n watched as it shattered at the wall before picking her phone up off the kitchen island._

_Clicking the most recent contact, the person answered on the second ring with a grumpy 'hello.'_

_"Can I come over?" Y/n asked on the verge of tears._

_"Always sweetheart," The voice said, hanging up._

"It always seems to be the case, don't get mad at me because you fucked up your life Y/n," Y/F/N said.

_"I just want you to be there for me daddy! Please!" Y/n pleaded in her rose gold dress._

_"Work is more important honey, I'll make up to you, I promise," Y/F/N called out as he disappeared in the darkness of the parking lot._

_"But it's my birthday."_

"I fucked up my life? It was you! You did it, daddy! You didn't care, you love your job more than you ever will love me. You always have!" Y/n started banging on her father's chest, tears running down her face.

James stepped in between these two and wrapped his arms around Y/n.

"Y/n..."

_"Y/n?" A voice called out from behind her._

_"He left, again," Y/n turned around and walked into the open arms of her best **friend**_.

_"It's-"_

"It's ok," James cooed as he rubbed his hands against Y/n's back.

_"Fuck!" Y/n grabbed onto the bedsheets as James thrusted into her._

"Get off!" Y/n pushed away and pulled the emergency button again, this time resuming the elevator.

The elevator dinged as it started to open.

"Both of you can go to hell. _Especially_ you daddy."

**Y/n turned and walked into the open arms of her boyfriend and team, blaming the tears on her dead associate, leaving her father and James at the elevator.**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**mggislowkeyhot®**


	8. 5.

**"Don't Make Me Regret This"**

**Warnings: Drug Abuse talk, Parental Abuse, Cheating, Smut, Gaslighting**

_Italic writing stands for flashbacks_

_**Bold Italic stands for the talking between phone calls** _

_**** _

"You sure your ok?" Derek asked.

Everyone drove back to the station and split up in different cars. Surprisingly, Derek and Y/n got one to themselves and were following others to the hotel.

"Yep," Y/n answered quickly, popping the p as she took out her phone.

Going to her messages, she clicked the second to last name, ignoring the most recent message from Emily.

 **James**  
Aug.22nd,2008 at 7:59 P.M

**Happy's Diner at 9. No funny business.**

**See you at 9.**

"I'm going to regret this," Y/n silently mumbled as she closed her phone and reached out for Derek's hand.

She couldn't help but feel like betraying him. She wasn't doing anything wrong, just going to meet up with an old friend.

Even if he's done things to her that friends don't do.

"You don't wanna stop by your old house or something?" Derek grabbed Y/n's hand as he pulled to a stop at a red light.

_"Get sober or get out!" Y/F/N shoved Y/n into the wall, her head bouncing from the impact._

_"I'm gone." She walked away, her hand rubbing her head trying not to wince at the touch._

"Not the best memories at the place," Y/n chuckled, shaking off the tears that dared to fall.

Derek pulled into the hotel lot, parking behind Hotch and others almost exactly 4 minutes later. Everyone grabbed their bags from their trunks and key from Hotch and headed into their separate rooms.

Clearing her room, Y/n sat down on her bed and glanced at the small clock.

**8:07 PM**

Burying her face into her hands, Y/n shot her head up at a small knock on the door. With no hesitation, she ran to the door and opened it, relief running through her body at the sight of Derek's warm smile.

She pulled the door open more and let him step in before locking it.

"What was it like growing up in Texas?" Derek stepped over to the window, staring at the cars on the street on the other side.

_"Drink! Drink! Drink!" Everyone chanted._

_"It's only one! Just try it!"_ **_He_ **_said._

_"That's my best friend!" Y/n screamed at Daniela._

"It was pretty boring, not much to do." Y/n shrugged her shoulders and wrapped her arms around Derek's torso from behind.

"Looks like it," He joked.

Y/n buried her face into the shirt of her boyfriend, his cologne strong in her nose. They stayed like that for a while, the outside world disconnecting in the moment. The silence was interrupted by Y/n's phone going off at the sound of a new message.

"I'm going to head to my room and grab some clothes, ok?" Derek called out and left at the small nod Y/n gave in return.

James's name appeared on her phone, along with 2 new messages. Ignoring them both, Y/n grabbed her jacket and headed to the door, bumping into Derek on her way out.

"Where are you-" He started.

"I gotta go. I can't explain it right now. I just have to go," Y/n quickly rambled.

Derek eyed her for a second before kissing the top of her head.

"Just be careful alright?" He said, moving out of the door frame.

Y/n turned around and mumbled something into his ear before heading into the elevator. Derek closed and locked the door before he set his clothes on the bed and pulled out his phone, dialing Hotch.

**_"Derek?"_ **

**_"Yea, it's me."_ **

**_"Did you find out anything from her?"_ **

**_"No, she just went out though, in a rush also. Follow her?"_ **

**_"No, if she has her guard down, Garcia can track her phone in the worst-case scenario."_ **

**_"Hotch man, this doesn't feel right. We're betraying our own."_ **

**_"Y/n is hiding something. It's crucial to this case and we need to find out."_ **

**_"Still isn't right."_ **

**_"Neither is lying."_ **

Sighing in defeat, Derek wrapped up the conversation and started the shower, the water flowing over his body with ease.

The bell above the door dinged as Y/n walked into the diner.

Her eyes scanned the room, landing on the figure sitting in a booth towards the back. She walked towards and sat across, neither of them making eye contact.

"Your early," He mumbled.

"So are you," She scoffed.

"Why did you call me here James?" She looked up.

"Why did you agree to come?" He questioned back.

Instead of answering him, Y/n scooched to the end of the booth and started to get up.

"You can't pretend that everything is fine, not this time," James started.

Looking back, Y/n finally made eye contact with James and scoffed at his words.

"Excuse you?"

"You can't pretend that everything is fine." He repeated.

Taking a seat at the very edge of the booth, Y/n kept herself together as James continued talking.

"You do this thing where you shut people out. When you shut us out, shit gets bad. It can't get bad again. Y/n, we can't do this again."

"Bullshit." She mumbled.

"Oh? What about the day that Dani-" He flinched at the finger come at his face.

"Finish that sentence and I'm gone." Y/n threatened.

_"Shit Cat!" Daniela's voice echoed throughout the floor._

_"I'm not done with you just yet," Catarina teased._

_Y/n swung the door open and gasped at the sight of her best friend in between her girlfriend's legs._

_"Kitty? Dani? What the fuck?" She screamed, turning on her heels and down Daniela's stairs._

_"Y/n! Wait," Daniela chased after her, only wearing Catarina's shirt._

_"That's my best friend!" Y/n cried, leaving out the front door._

"... they all did you wrong." James's voice brought Y/n back into reality.

"Yea, they did," Y/n muttered.

"Did I? Did I ever do you wrong Y/n?" He questioned, his tone completely changing.

"Yes." She quickly answered.

"Really? When? I was the shoulder to cry on, I was the one who helped you get sober. I didn't leave like them. I didn't leave when you pushed me away, I stayed-" He started to ramble.

"You used me when I was vulnerable." Y/n accused.

"I used you?" James got up and walked over to Y/n, face to face with her. "Baby, you wanted it. You wanted me and I let you have it. Y/n, I know what's best for you, I'd never hurt you. I never did." He took her in his arms and let her cry on his shoulder.

"I'm not like them," He cooed.

After a few minutes, they both walked out of the diner, James's arm around Y/n's shoulder as they headed to the SUV.

"Thank you," Y/n said, unlocking the car.

"Anytime." James nodded and waved off at the car disappearing before him.

He pulled out his phone before hitting the number labeled as M. He let the person talk for a bit before rolling his eyes and cutting them off.

**_"I did not fuck her! And I told you, we have Y/n right where we want her."_ **

**_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ **

**_mggislowkeyhot®_ **


	9. 6.

_**"Take My Mind off All the Bad"** _

_**Warnings: Slightly Detailed Smut, Implied Drug Usage, Talks of Child Molestation (very brief/Derek's past)** _

_**Smut Warnings:** _ _**Cunnilingus** _ _**, Praising,** _ _**Overstimulation** _ _**, Begging, Orgasm Delay,** _ _**Penetrative** _ _**Sex, Daddy kink (slight), Unprotected sex, Handjob** _

_Italic writing stands for flashbacks._

_And consent is sexy. Consent is very_ _fucking_ _sexy._

__

"I don't push people away," Y/n mumbled as she pulled into the hotel parking lot.

She grabbed her jacket from the passenger side and headed to her room, ignoring the kind worker who said hello to her.

Y/n stepped off the elevator and pulled her key out of her back pocket, the 'ding' filling the hallway silence at that moment.

Closing the door quietly, Y/n walked towards the small light from the lamp on the left side. As she whipped her head around the corner, she was met Derek's bright smile.

"Hey," He nodded, muting the bad hotel show he was watching.

"Hi, baby," She slipped off her blazer and threw it onto a nearby chair with her jacket.

Walking to the bathroom, Y/n turned on the shower and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red, and her cheeks started to puff.

So many tears spread for the ones who don't care.

Stripping the rest of her clothes, Y/n stepped into the shower, the hot water flowing over her body. She just stood there for a while, the water the only thing filling the silence in the bathroom. The time moved slowly, leaving Y/n trapped in her thoughts.

_"_ _Ms_ _,_ _Feilds_ _, please take off the sunglasses," The math sub called Y/n during the work period._

_Y/n scoffed and_ _slouched_ _down as her heavy eyelids began to betray her._

_"The sunglasses," The sub asked again, this time more demanding._

_Before Y/n could say anything,_ _Arianna_ _turned around and grabbed them off Y/_ _n's_ _face._

_"_ _Fuck_ _!" Y/n winced at the added sunlight._

_The teacher took one look at Y/_ _n's_ _dilated pupils and took her into the hall._

The knock at the door pulled Y/n out of her thoughts.

"Bae?" Derek called out, the shower curtain blocking his concerned expression from Y/n's eyes. 

"Hm?" Y/n hummed, poking her head out of the shower, not leaving much to the eye.

"You ok?" Derek leaned in.

Y/n shook her head in reassurance, a chill filling her body as Derek's thumb swiped across her cheek.

"So why are you crying?" He pulled back.

Y/n just stares at him.

"You don't see them, you won't get it."

"You might leave, I don't want you to."

"I hold up my past with strong walls, it only takes one hit though. One hit and it's all gone."

"I have habits that are calling my name and yet you are the only thing that keeps me from giving in."

That's what Y/n wants to say. She wants Derek to know, she wants him to listen.

"Sad day, that's all. Pass me that towel?" She changes the subject instead.

He looks back and passes her the towel hanging off the bathroom door. She wraps it around herself and steps out, turning off the shower from the outside. She walks out of the bathroom, Derek following behind as she pulls out a shirt and some underwear from her go-bag. She throws the towel to the bed, her body now exposed to Derek. He watches as she slips on the black underwear and one of his oversized graphic tees before throwing the towel over to the same chair her jackets were in.

Derek walks over to the bed, sitting in the same spot he was in before. Eyes follow down Y/n's body, almost habitual, a small grin appearing on his face at his marks that were starting to clear up from a few nights before. Y/n walks toward the bed and sits next to him, the hotel mattress providing little to no comfort at all.

"Are you ok?" She asks as she lays her head on his shoulder. It's a small gesture, but that's all Y/n wants and needs.

"Just tired, been a long day." Derek kisses the top of her forehead.

"You got that right," Y/n laughs.

It's a genuine laugh, a happy one.

Wrapping an arm around her torso, Derek pulls Y/n as close as he could. She's hiding something. Derek knows what it feels like to go through the lengths of keeping a secret. He was willing to go to jail for a murder he didn't commit if it meant no one knows what Carl Buford did to him. If it meant he didn't have to relive those memories once more.

Except even with the team by his side, Derek felt alone.

And when the memories resurface, when Derek can feel Carl's touch, he feels alone. Y/n pulls him out of that but he still feels alone. He doesn't want her to feel that.

It sucks to feel that.

"I love you," He mumbled into a comfortable silence.

Y/n looked up, her head almost hitting his chin, and just smiled.

"I love you too," She kissed his lips.

His soft, warm, comfortable lips.

Neither one could tell you what happened. Derek pulled Y/n in, leaving her straddled on his lap. Their kiss grew hotter as Y/n pulled herself closer to Derek, his forming boner giving her the friction her body desired. Hands gripped her sides as they moved down to her ass, a small moan leaving her mouth into his.

Derek's hands moved up Y/n's bare back as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Derek pulled the tee off of Y/n, throwing it somewhere in the room. Her skin was warm against his chest. His lips kissed and marked down her body before coming back up to hers.

"I love you," He said one more time.

"I love you."

Wrapping one arm across her back, Derek repositioned them both as a grin appeared on his face at the sight of his girlfriend under him.

Legs wrap around his waist as Derek marks Y/n's neck. He taps the side of her thigh, signaling for her to unravel her legs. As they fall to the side, Derek resumes his travel down her body again, this time taking the black underwear with him.

His arms wrap around her thighs as he pulls her all the way to the edge, eyes searching her for consent to continue.

She nods but it's not enough for Derek. He raises an eyebrow at her, getting an eye-roll in return.

"Tell me what you want." He mumbled. 

"You." Y/n bluntly stated, staring him down. 

"Can't hear you," He taunted, his fingers moving closer to Y/n's wet arousal. 

"Please _daddy_ ," The words rolled of Y/n's tongue. 

That was all it took for Derek. His lips attached her clit, a loud moan coming from Y/n in response. Her hands grabbed onto the bedsheets, squeezing them hard as Derek quickly quickened his pace. 

To silence her moans, Y/n brought her hand to her mouth, the method only muffling the sounds to the bare minimum. Frowning at her actions, Derek added two fingers into her slit and pulled her hand down, her moan like a medley in his ears. 

Small curses and names left Y/n's mouth as her orgasm started to build up. 

"Derek..." She cried, her muscles tensing.

Instead of responding, Derek's tongue quickened its pace as his fingers curled inside of her again and again.

Throwing her head back, Y/n felt her composure wearing off as she called Derek's name one more time, only it came out in a breath, relieving how close to her climax she truly was.

As his fingers continued to thrust inside her, Derek pulled away and smirked at the begging Y/n.

"Go ahead," He growled in her ear.

He moved up to her face as his thumb came into contact with clit, throwing Y/n completely off the edge. With their chest's now in complete contact, Y/n's nails slid down Derek's back as she came down from her high.

Removing his hand, Derek ran his other one against Y/n's face, leaving small kisses as her breathing returned to a normal pace. His other thumb swiped across the tip of his tongue, Y/n's sweet arousal to taste. 

He loved every part of Y/n. Take one look at them together and the feeling was clearly mutual. 

Both of them wanted more. 

Both of them craved more. 

Turning her head to look at him, Y/n pressed her lips against Derek's, the taste savoring and sweet. His own muscles relaxed to the calm touch of her nail against his shoulder and her body goes soft at his hand to the side of her leg. 

It's just the two of them in this moment-and they know it. 

The kiss deepens fast as both tounges fighting for dominance. Y/n gives in and pulls the drawstrings of Derek's grey sweatpants, losing them out of the small knot they were in. Derek's figure points out just from under the band, a low grunt comes out as Y/n palms him. 

His eyes meet hers, glassy and lust-filled as she lets at a patronizing smile. Pulling the sweats down, Y/n's hands rub on Derek, the action causing him to grip the sheets above her head with no mercy. 

"Keep doing that and you'll ruin the fun," He said, his tone assertive and demanding. 

"Like this?" Y/n fastened her pace as she batted faux innocence to Derek. 

Instead of giving her a reaction, Derek used his hand to spread Y/n's leg farther away from his. Two steps ahead of him, Y/n made his job easier and braced herself for what was next. 

"Ready?" Derek lined himself up with Y/n. He was aware of his size, he was aware of what he could do to Y/n. 

And he loved it. 

Slowly thrusting into her, Derek gave her a second to adjust before lacing his fingers with hers. He loved when it was just them. He loved when she was all his, all for him. He loved the way her eyes rolled back as his thrusts got harder. He loved the way his name rang out her mouth in pleasure. 

He loved everything when it came to Y/n. 

Especially her nails dragging down her back. 

Y/n's fingers tightened around Derek's as she felt her second orgasm coming. Her body was sore and tired from the first time and she was getting closer and closer. 

"You can do it," Derek praised in her ear. 

"Come on do it for daddy," He kissed her lips, the words enough to send her past her limit. 

Walls clench around Derek as her free hand drags down his back, Y/n's leg shaking violently as a result. His body fully covers her second later, one more thrust ending both of them. 

It's like home to both of them. Their bare skins in contact with each other and only each other, the words that he mumbles in her ear, each syllable spent expressing his love for her. 

They take away each other's bad. 

Taking all the warmth with him, Derek head to the bathroom and comes back with a damp cloth. 

**"A shower will do us both good," He presses the fabric onto Y/n's body.**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**_mggislowkeyhot®_ **


	10. 7.

**"I Shouldn't, but I Will"**

**Warnings: Toxic Parental Dynamics, Drug Mentions, Being outed in from of addiction, talks of relapse**

Tangled in each other's arms, 5 am came around and both Derek and Y/n jolted awake from the set alarm.

Derek was up first, followed by a cover-wrapped Y/n as he pulled out some clothes from his bag. It was still dark outside, the only thing besides the bathroom was the street lamps from the half-opened curtains giving the room light.

Dragging the cover with her, Y/n leans to the side of the bathroom frame. Derek's back is to her, making her nail marks visible. Turning around, Derek puts on the same sly smile as Y/n as he walks closer and closer to her.

"Good morning," He presses a kiss to her lips.

Her grip on the cover loosens, the sheet opening a bit as she returns the kiss, this time Derek's chest connected with hers.

"Morning," She smiles.

They both hop in the shower, surprisingly managing to only wash up. Since Hotch has taken Y/n off the case, she doesn't have to dress as professionally as Derek. She matches some jeans to her red laced top and some converse; the same red to match. Her makeup is light and blends in perfectly with her outfit and jewelry she picked out.

They meet everyone in the lobby of the hotel, Penelope and Y/n almost matching in sense of color.

Saying good morning to everyone, Y/n takes notice of Penelope's off behavior but decides not to push it. By 7 am, the team was already at the station, only stopping by 'Happy's' to get some coffee and morning energy.

Y/n watches the team and local officers try to make progress in the case, answering their questions with as little to no help as possible.

"Y/n, why don't you tell us just a little more for once," Rossi scoffed.

"I don't know anything!" Y/n defended, not taking the presence of her father.

"Y/L/N, you mean to tell us that you don't remember anything about your town?" Hotch raised his eyebrow.

"What did he just call you?" Eyes look past Y/n.

No one answered Y/F/N's question but instead looked around with puzzled looks on their faces.

"What did he just call you?" He asked again, this time only to Y/n.

"Nothing?" Y/n questioned.

Walking up to her, Y/F/N started to yell at Y/n.

"Y/L/N? Y/L/N? I give you the world and more and you tell people your name is Y/L/N? Is that your name Y/n?" He stops for a minute, the room going silent as everyone looks at Y/n for an answer.

"IS THAT YOUR NAME?" He smacks the table so hard, it echos through the room and makes Y/n flinch.

"My name is Y/n Y/L/N-Feilds." She mumbles, a cry escaping her mouth when her father grabs her wrist tight, his strength making it hard to break free. 

"Did you take something? Are you high?" He taunts before looking at the team.

"Is she high? She gets _real_ bad when she relapses again but doesn't the 'goverment' insurance pay for that now?" He squeezes her wrist tighter, a smirk forming at the shocked faces of the team.

"Keeping secrets Y/n? Tell them. Tell them how you spent damn near all of high school back and forth to rehab, tell them how you love to pop pills because 'quote and unquote' _nobody gives you any attention_. Tell them!" Y/n's wrist goes numb from her father's grip.

"Fucking tell them dammit!" He screams in her face.

But Y/n can't speak. She feels like the same 14-year-old who got in trouble for being home too late or the 17-year-old who didn't bring home a good enough grade, or even the 24-year-old who was pleading with her father to care about her for once.

She feels weak, small, and broken.

_But drugs can make it better._

Y/n instead looks over to the team, eyes pleading for help. Aaron and David start trying to separate the two while Derek locks eyes with Y/n. Hers are filled with tears of pain; mentally and physically, while his are filled with betrayal and hurt.

The burning sensation on Y/n's wrist longs, even after Y/F/N lets go. And when he does, Y/n does what she knows best, she grabs her jacket and heads out of the station through the back.

The fresh air hits Y/n's lungs harder than she wanted. It's too much.

_Drugs can make it better._

She wants her mom.

_Drugs can make her appear._

She wants her mind to be at peace. 

_Drugs will do that._

She knows she shouldn't but Y/n finds herself going to her contacts and clicking the only name that starts with M. 

She lets the phone ring, pressing to it her ear as she tries to calm herself down. 

On the third ring, the person finally answers. 

**"Buttercup?"**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**_mggislowkeyhot®_ **


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